Sunday, March 7, 2010
my mother's smile
she was diagnosed with incurable cancer on march 5 2008 and our family was changed forever on that day. she lost the fight on november 13, 2008 but we lost much of her on that early spring day.
when i published my very first blog this week, i wanted to tell her so i could see her big, bright, shining smile - the one she gave each one of us when she was proud. nothing ever seemed real until she knew about it. so not being able to tell her i had taken what felt like such a big step was taking some of the excitement out of the moment. i closed the computer and jumped in the shower, hoping she knew somehow. before i headed out to work, i thought i would google myself and see if it took me to my new blog. as i was scanning the list of options, i found my name but it wasn't my blog, it was a stranger's. confused, i clicked on it and there on the screen was a poem i had written 30 years earlier. it had been published in two books and my mother had kept both of those books in a place of honor in her home. the poem had not been published again in all those years and i have no idea how the stranger had found it. but i do know that my mother showed it to me on google that day. i felt like she had smiled that big bright smile right in my face by showing me that poem. and i will treasure the contact from the other side, knowing my mother is proud. i love you, mommy and miss you terribly. stay in touch :)