i took a break...

I am not sure why I took a break.

I am not even sure what I took a break from, or what I did on my 'break'.

but I definitely was gone a bit.

 

spring and summer were busy and we loved it. 

retirement was confusing but enjoyable.

 

 

September was more painful, for sure. 

September actually hurt. 

 

my brother in law moved in with us, which was rough on everyone. 

he didn't want to be here, we preferred our lives as they had been,

but he needed help and we all knew it.

 

 

my brother and his wife decided to move away, far away...

all the way from their maine/cape cod homes in the northeast USA to southern California.

it's good for them but sad for me...

they were a big part of our cape cod lifestyle

and we missed them long before they actually left.

 

it was a lonely time.

 

I have a hard time looking at the pictures I took because I was so profoundly lonely.

 

 

 

but October has been better.

my brother in law has found some housing back in NY where he wants to live.

my brother has moved on but I have traded sadness for gratitude.

I am lucky to have had a few years of hanging out together at the cape;

it's more than I would have had, if we hadn't bought a house at the cape too.

so my heart is healing.

 

 

joey and I have been able to spend some time enjoying autumn together.

we lost us-time in September and it felt like we lost everything.

but as leaves fall and the outside world changes,

so does our inside world.

and we will find a beauty in the new season too,

as long as we're together...

 

 

august . . .

I took a break from everything in july.

I lost my cat and my life was turned upside down.

it isn't like I don't have other cats; I do. 

and this guy isn't more special than the others.  they are all special.

the issue is that I love these cats to pieces. 

there's a bunch of them (ok...eleven) and each one has a hard luck story.  

so when they come to me and I can't find a good home for them,

I become the good home.

 

so yellaboy got out.

and I came apart at the seams. 

at the same time, I had company for a week. 

they were fabulous; they helped me look for the cat.

and understood the heart-pain I was feeling because they knew the back-story of yellaboy.

he wasn't spotted until 5 days into his disappearance.

once he was spotted that first time, he started surfacing each night around dinnertime.  and he yowled pretty much all night long.

 

I set humane traps and caught two raccoons but no yellaboy...



towards the end of his disappearance, I saw him more regularly.

 

and after two weeks of tracking him, I finally caught him.

he was exhausted, had cuts all over his head and a bad case of fleas. 

but he was home.

it was a good thing.

 

especially at first.

we got him neutered two days after he came home. 

but he didn't seem to get the message that the party was over.

he was still all fired up, wanting to find some girls.

he yowled for love.

night after night, day after day, hour after hour.

it's been a long week since he's been home.

if it wasn't for the coyotes and foxes outside in our area, I might have let him go back out.

but with all the horror stories I was told during his disappearance by well-meaning neighbors, I couldn't take that chance. 

so until we go back to CT, yellaboy stays inside. 

hopefully, he will go back to the happy (and quiet) guy he was before his escape

and I won't have to make the choice of letting him go out. 

I don't handle that well, and it won't make things easier.

 

so i'm very grateful that it's now august.

I am playing along with Susannah

(found here: http://www.susannahconway.com/the-august-break-2013/  )

 for an august break.

it's so similar to Photo Hunt word-of-the day

(found on facebook here - https://www.facebook.com/groups/121164257895903/ )

and it is exactly what I need to pull myself together.

 so I am going to post my images from the first three days of the month on a new post and I am then embracing the hell out of august.

bring on the summer :)

 

 



the light . .

sometimes the light that speaks to me, that shows me the way, is hard to find.

 

 

i can get lost in an instant...

or i can unknowingly be lost for a while.

 

when i realize that the light is gone,

it takes a whole bunch of alone time to get it back.

my mind needs silence, my soul needs nature

and my spirit needs to spill out of a pen onto paper

for me to get where i can see again.

 

today i thankfully found the light...

 

i remember again where my passion for photography comes from.

i somehow have to keep this moment of awareness

so when the light fades again,

and i find myself looking to etsy, flickr, facebook, blogs for outside approval,

i can return to this post and remember...

 

it is not what people think of me that feeds me.

it's the photography that feeds me.

it's the beauty in the world around me.

 

when i look through the lens, i see things that i otherwise would miss.

 

when i look at a photograph of an ordinary thing,

it looks like the awesome-ness of a God that created it.

 

 

when i capture something that could be totally insignificant,

and see it instead at the beautiful thing that it is,

i find the light.

 

 

when i get into other people's heads,

i lose my soul.

i am posting this message to myself and

hope i don't have to go here again.