change...

wednesday's word for beyond layers was change...

for a girl who is looking for a change, the word was perfect :)

a favorite saying, a great texture from kim and a simple daisy...

hoping that combo helps the message

makes a lasting change in my life.

searching...

i am on vacation, trying to use my vacation hours before they expire in mid-june. 

as i got ready to check out for a week, the activity level increased to a point where i was truly overwhelmed.  when i got to that elusive moment when i was actually ON VACATION, i closed down - i went from total overload all the way to a complete slow down.

i spent a great weekend with family, wandered around cape cod with joey, eating our way from hyannis to provincetown.  everywhere, it was evident that summer has arrived on the cape.

it was wonderful.

but joey went back to work yesterday and i was feeling pretty lonely out here, just me and the cat. 

on the other hand, i need some alone time. 

my biggest goal for this vacation was to figure out how to go forward

with less frenzy, more peace. 

so i took a ride to the bay beaches at sunset,

hoping for some pictures that could give me a direction for my future. 

it was beautiful, quiet, peaceful...

after i got home to the cottage, i went online to see what the

 'beyond layers' challenge was for the week. 

it is QUOTE week - each day has a word prompt

and the goal is to find a quote for the word

and, in whatever way you want, absorb the quote for the day.

i was late but not too late to make that happen -

the word was peace and

i believe that for a little while, if not forever,

i found it :)

a great quote from martin luther king and 'golden' texture from kim klassen

a risk and a change. . .

today, the challenge for the beyond layers class, was to think about times when you took a risk, stepped out of your comfort zone and found something BIG.

the risk that truly changed my life is going to seem little to most people. but it was BIG to marilyn (my twin sister) and i. 

when we turned 43 yrs old, we decided that it was finally time to take that road trip to florida that we had planned to do the summer after graduation. our goal was to have adventures from start to finish, driving as far south as we could and doing whatever felt right.

and that is exactly what we did.  from almost getting arrested at bruce springsteen's house on day 1, to being in washington dc when the monica lewinsky story broke, to seeing the sunrise and sunset up and down the east coast - it was filled with moments that make memories that are treasured for a lifetime. it was 10 days of heaven and it was our introduction to a place that for us is heaven on earth...key west.

sunset at mallory square

by the time we got to the florida keys, we were as relaxed as we'd ever been.  there were no cell phones back then.  there were no husbands telling us what to do, no jobs pulling at us, no schedules to keep, no pets to feed or children to care for.  it was three and a half days down to marathon and we were so freaking happy in that car every mile of the way there.  on the other hand, getting out of the car and going into a bar for a drink at our hotel was very stressful.  we felt totally out of place.  many times, we would abort.  most times, even.  we talked about it, wondered what our problem was - shyness? insecurity? awkward? all of the above?  after a lot of discussion, we figured out that the problem really was fear.  fear of feeling or looking like a socially inept person.  and the fear fed the reality.  we probably actually were awkward, insecure, shy and socially inept.  yikes.

so we made a pact somewhere in northern florida that we were going to address the issue, one bar at a time.  restaurants didn't throw us off, it was the nightlife atmosphere where we felt so vulnerable - it was all about social interaction with strangers in a meet/greet setting.   (the meet/eat settings were fine)  our first few attempts were not successful but we were learning little tips/tricks as we went - for example, don't take the first empty table so you can sit down and scan the room from a safe spot.  instead, stand there, look around for the spot that will give you the best view of the place and then sit.  sounds silly but it was big when it came to increasing our comfort level. 

sidewalk at the green parrot

by the time we got to key west, we had some success under our belt.  but key west is a town with a nightlife atmosphere 24 hrs a day.  we didn't know this.  our hotel was in marathon and we drove to key west for the first time on martin luther king day.  we didn't know much about the town at all, and didn't have a clue where to go.  we found a parking space and needed to get our bearings, so we decided to get a drink and re-group. 

there on the corner was a sleepy little island bar called the Green Parrot.  it had no windows, and was open to the beautiful january sunshine and looked perfect.  we braced ourselves for the onslaught of nervousness, picked 2 seats at the bar and ordered our drinks.  it was the start of a long love affair with a local hangout that is the epitomy of acceptance.

we have been there countless times since that day, and learned a whole lot of life lessons sitting on the stools with a beer and time to ponder.  the beauty of the Green Parrot is that anything goes.  the locals hang out with the tourists.  the tourists run the gamut from cool to gawky.  the locals are fascinating.  the servers are efficient.   the location is key west where the weather in january is awesome compared to the northeast.   the music is outstanding.  and they welcome everyone.  and they have a rule - no sniveling :)

our goal has to been to write a book together, titled The Lessons of the Green Parrot.  we've gone there to do research on more than one occasion and have gotten as far as listing out the lessons.  each lesson has multiple stories, lived by us and learned by us, that have changed our lives for the better.  we face things with not only some tips/tricks (which does help) but also with much more self confidence.  and we thank the Green Parrot - in person and in spirit -  for accepting us for what we were - 43 yr old wusses, searching for both acceptance and adventure.   we've come a long way on our search, and we believe it all came together on a martin luther king day, back in 1998. 

The Lessons of the Green Parrot
learned and lived by marilyn and marie :)

1 - Don't wait for perfect - embrace good enough
2 - Don't be afraid to look like a fool - nobody cares
3 - Don't miss the journey - seize each moment
4 - Don't jump to conclusions - it's not always what it seems
5 - Don't make it so complicated - relax, enjoy...
6 - Don't sit when you can dance - get up and get out there!
7 - Don't give it up for a party - enjoy today, but remember tomorrow
8 - Don't see with someone else's eyes - look for your own approval
9 - Don't live a false life - love what you do, do what you love. if other's can, you can too.
10 -Don't miss the lessons - always grow, always stretch. and no sniveling :)

good books...

the challenge this week for 'beyond layers' class was to share a picture of a book that i'd recommend reading...

i have so many books i'd recommend - illusions by richard bach is probably my all-time favorite.  also 'women who run with the wolves'.  and most of dr wayne dyer books - he changed my life with erroneous zones.  'God on a Harley' was also fantastic - and a life changer, as was 'the artist way'.

but most recently, the books that have impacted me the most are joan anderson's.  i found the first one, like i find almost all the books i've read over the past 20 yrs - in an airport before getting on board a flight to somewhere.  it was titled "a year by the sea' and was based in harwich, ma on cape cod.  having grown up going to the cape, i identified with it in a big way.  i've read all her books and loved them all.  my favorite of hers is 'a weekend to change your life'.  loved it, and it make a big difference in my life. 

so i share the picture of her books...
i am currently at the cape and do not have many books here with me.  but i have all of hers here.  if you get the chance to read her books, i think it'd be worth your time...

going home...

today, i pack up and head back to Connecticut.

my vacation is over, got to leave the cape and go back to work...

i miss my cats, i miss my house, i miss the woods and the river at home.

but i don't want to leave here.

here, i feel a little bit more calm, more peaceful. 

once i get back, work feels different.   i work from the cape and its definitely work, not play.  but it feels a bit less intense, a bit less frenetic.  when i get home, work takes over and i squeeze life in, around it.  when i'm here at the cape, life comes first, and i also work. 

there is a lesson for me in those two sentences. 

the location i work from is not the deal, my attitude is what makes the difference.

i think that lesson could change my life if i can remember it when i get back home.

triplets...

this week, the beyond layers challenge was to create one image, three different ways. 
this fed my indecisiveness and probably wasn't good for me :)
eight images later, i struggled with narrowing it down to three.

double the fun

so this week has been intense...
it started out with the challenge to take self portraits on the beyond layers course with kim klassen.
 

my twin sister and i have done

the hold-the-camera out in front of ourselves

for the past few years

 and have loved having the pics to look back at.

so i thought this would not only be fun,

but a great project to do for a year. 

i called my sister, marilyn, and we decided that

we'd each do it individually for 365 days. 

it was a big commitment for each of us but it felt right.

we're 57 yrs old and looking for what we're calling 'fulfillment over fifty' and this seemed like a great starting point.  who are we, at 57? 

day 1 was a good time - we both liked it alot. we sent images back and forth through the beauty of cell phones.  fun stuff :)

day 2 was still ok -

the project seemed do-able, the pics were still fun...

i created a new blog to keep track of it all. 

and i was looking forward to day 3...

day 3 was a horror story. 
we both started to realize we have gotten older. 
good grief, we may even have gotten freaking old. 
and that f-word is the cleaned-up freaking (again, cleaned-up...) version. 
no amount of blurriness, or over-exposure was going to hide the fact, from myself anyway...
day 3 hurt.
 neither one of us was ready to give up the project but i can say that body parts other than my freaking (yes, again...) face were going to be center stage all year long.

day 4, i was wiser. 

feet do not look old,

when they are covered with shoes...

and i actually love this picture. 

day 5 was Friday. 

Friday the 13th.  i had concerns. 

my self-esteem was shaky.   i didn't want to feel like i looked old anymore. 

on the other hand, i can't take pictures of my feet all year.  and i really wanted the year to be a learning experience, showing me to myself, finding out who i have grown into.  

i had taken more than 100 pictures of myself this week. 

some i liked, some i hated but i did learn stuff. 

i learned like to walk.  and i need to get a haircut. 

and i can hide the belly fat at this time of year.

all good things to know... 

so i went for another walk at the river to find a good picture for how i was feeling... 

i wandered the roads and pathways, looking for something that would speak to me. nothing seemed meaningful. as i turned around to walk back to the car, thinking i would go home and take a picture of my hands with a beer in each one of them, i walked into the fading light of the day.  and all of a sudden, it seemed perfect.  utterly perfect. 

me, from behind, walking into the light...  

it felt like a picture of what i want to get out of this year. 

i loved it. 

i went home and drank the two beers, in honor of my breakthrough :)

and then, one last picture, to finish the week of painful growth...

 enhanced with kim's textures and brush.

thank you for the week of wisdom. i think :)